


Lost in Time

by DisguisedasInnocent



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 17:52:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3143279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisguisedasInnocent/pseuds/DisguisedasInnocent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A letter forms one side of a conversation. It maps out an individual's thought process and passes it along through the written word to another person. Two years after leaving Toronto Holly receives Gail's goodbye, but she has no means with which to reply.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the preface to a longer story. I won't say when I'll update with more, because right now I'm sitting my final year of my degree and I don't know when I'll have the opportunity to write more of this work. However, I am currently plotting it out and do hope to have updates coming soon.

“Dearest Holly,” The letter began in the beautiful tight script of Gail’s handwriting, long loops with straight letters standing tall on the page, as if they were a page of soldiers standing to attention. “This is a letter that I hope you never receive. A letter that I hope will never make its way into your hands, because if it does, I will never see you again. Holly, that thought is a thought that haunts me every single day.”

Holly looked up from the page, her eyes darting to Steve’s bright blue orbs, desperate to see a measure of the man’s emotions play on his face. However, instead of the warm comfort often shining in the man’s eyes all Holly could see was the cold hardened wall of Peck erected behind the man’s irises. “Finish the letter.” He said his voice low and soft, his jaw held tight. “You will understand.” 

“As I’m writing this letter it has been five months since you left, since I let you go, and these last months have been the hardest of my life.” The words on the page continue, the papers fluttering in Holly’s grip as she kept reading, her lungs breathing in the subtle scent of Gail’s skin that clung to the paper. “I spent a lot of time being angry – at the world, at the situation, at myself – but I could never find it within myself to be angry with you. I’ve tried to cry you out of my head, and I do not cry easily. I’ve tried to laugh you out of my chest, but I do not laugh openly. I’ve tried to scratch you out of my mind, but instead I just clasped you deeper.” 

“This letter, and these words, is my goodbye. Tomorrow I’ll be gone, I don’t know where yet they haven’t disclosed the details. You know as well as I do that undercover missions don’t always go smoothly, I’m going to do my best, but if this letter makes it way to you then I’ve failed and I’m sorry. We’re not together right now, you might have moved on for all I know, but I’ve made my will out to you. Holly, you’ve been the biggest driving force in my life, the biggest source of love, and my biggest regret. I know I might not have much, but everything is yours (apart from my Star Wars collection, I know you’d love them, but I promised Leo that he could have them).” Gail’s handwriting stuttered in the middle of the page, three dots marked the paper where the pen pressed down without forming another word or sentence before clear lines formed afterwards. “I love you Holly Alexandra Stewart.”

“Where…” Holly murmured softly, biting down on her bottom lip as she held the letter to her chest and looked into Steve’s eyes. “Where is she?”

“We don’t know.” Steve replied with a bow of his head. 

“It’s been two years since I left Toronto Steve,” Holly said. “She’s been on this mission over a year.” 

“I know.” Steve answered crossing his arms over his chest as he looked away from Holly’s inquiring – accusing – brown eyes. “The operation went smoothly for three months, then, she disappeared and the gang disappeared as well. We’ve followed all the leads we could, opened up three undercover operations and found nothing. I don’t… The gang went underground, fractured off and she’s still gone.”

“Is she…” Holly asked, her voice trembling and her words locked in her throat. 

“I don’t know.” Steve replied with a shake of his head. “I don’t think so, but I’m about the only one that believes she’s alive any more. My team worked for seven months straight, with 15 Division, and found nothing. Then it passed over to missing person’s leading the investigation, working different clues, and the cold case team. There was still nothing.”

Holly blinked rapidly in an attempt to hold back the tears that threatened to run down her cheeks. “Have they declared her gone?” 

“Yes.” Steve pinched his eyes closed, sitting down heavily at Holly’s side. “They’re holding a remembrance ceremony next week. Her Will is going to be actioned, that’s why… That’s why I came because I didn’t want you finding out she’s gone from a strange letter in the mail. She wanted you to be taken care of Holly.”

“I…” Holly shook her head and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “My term here is up. I was about to come back to Toronto. I wanted to try again.”

“There’s no getting over Gail Peck.” Steve muttered with a sigh, curling his arm around Holly’s shoulders to draw the younger woman into his chest, cradling her head over his heart. “She’s a woman unlike any other.” 

“Is there any hope?” Holly asked quietly, listening to the comforting thud of Steve’s heart pulse underneath her ear. 

“Is there any hope that she’s alive?” Steve asked in reply, waiting to feel the nod of Holly’s head before continuing. “I still have hope. I know my sister, she’s a fighter and she’s resourceful. There are no more leads Holly, if she’s coming back, she’s coming back on her own.”


	2. One

Gail woke to the taste of iron and copper in her mouth. It bubbled up from the back of her throat and clogged her airways, pushing upwards incessantly until her lips parted, thick dark blood leaked out of the corner of her mouth and dribbled onto the ground. It hit the floor with a loud wet splatter before silence returned. The woman shifted slowly, curling her fingers around the thick iron links of the chain cinched around her wrists and attached to the wall, lifting her bodyweight upwards with sore aching muscles. Her legs moved slowly in the wake of her body, her feet numb and cold, her knees shattered and her thighs trembling. 

"You're awake." A voice form the other side of the little room commented. The man's voice cracked in the middle of his words, his voice rough with exhaustion and thick with his accent. "Good." 

The blonde haired woman lifted her head, blinking rapidly in an attempt to force her eyes to focus in the dim dusk light of the cell, rolling her jaw before opening her mouth to speak. "How long was I out?"

"Two guard shifts have changed since they placed us in here." The man answered with a nod of his head towards the locked bars that formed one singular wall of their cage. "I cannot say how long it has been since we last spoke. I slept for the transport as well." 

"No matter," Gail groaned, biting the inside of her cheek as her legs woke up from their long sleep, the blood rushing through her veins creating a fire in her nerve endings. "I don't suppose we know where we are?"

"They haven't been that free with information." The man answered with a smirk on his lips. "Perhaps you will be able to get them talking now you are woken from your beauty sleep." 

"We both know I'm gorgeous without any sleep whatsoever Nikolai." Gail said with a huffed laugh of amusement. "Got any water?"

"A little," Nikolai replied as he stood from his position leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the room from Gail. The blonde haired woman's eyes scanned down his frame, checking his body for injuries, old and new. "They chained my ankles this time."

"I suppose they're worried about you wrenching your shoulder out of place like last time." Gail muttered. "With good reason, those two guards didn’t stand a chance." 

"Indeed." Nikolai answered, twisting his body to the side in order to reach out towards Gail. The man's large frame - all six and a half foot - enabled him to contort his body in order to extend his hand out towards Gail, lifting a small cup to her lips to allow her to swallow a few mouthfuls of water before pulling away. "We do not know when they are likely to bring food, or water, again. It would not be a good plan to drink it all now." 

"No," Gail sighed as she leaned backwards to rest her hand against the wall. "It’s not a good plan." 

"You spoke again." Nikolai said after a minute of silence, his eyes lifting to meet Gail's curious blue gaze. "About the woman." 

"Holly." Gail muttered, licking her lips to allow the flesh to move freely. "Did I say anything interesting?"

"No." Nikolai shook his head, thick dark brown hair swinging around his ears. "Not especially - I believe it was the same conversation you have had before."

"Probably, I find myself apologising to her a lot." Gail said with a shake of her head. "I did a lot of stupid things."

"Natasha," Nikolai said softly. "I did not know you before this life, but I feel that I have come to know your soul through it, and while you might be rash I do not truly believe that you are stupid or without merit. You tried to save my life when many would have looked the other way."

"I did what I thought to be right." Gail replied, her mind flashing back to the image of Nikolai chained to the side of a large shipping container, blood leaking out of the wounds ripped into his flesh, and dead brown eyes that stared up at her from the floor. "I couldn't leave you there."

"And you did not." Nikolai said with a small smile. "You attempted to save me, and were captured because of it, that is a debt that I will never be able to repay."

"I'm not..." Gail shook her head, biting down on her bottom lip.

"I am not asking you to let me." Nikolai said. “I’m telling you I will try.”


	3. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly returns to Toronto to receive Gail's belongings...

Holly sat silently in the middle of her living room floor, boxes of strained cardboard littered across the floor, while a photograph album lay lightly across the woman's knees. Holly's fingers traced the spine of the album, feeling the deep indents and sharp ridges formed in the paper and string amalgamation, imagining the numerous times that the photograph album lay open on another woman's thighs. The woman's dark brown eyes traced the words scrawled across the front of the album, a little piece of paper secured to the front cover with sellotape, "Summer 2014 by Gail Peck." 

Holly flipped open the front page, her fingers sliding across the plastic envelopes that encased the photographs, smoothing her skin across the lines of Gail's face etched into the photography paper. The first image contained within the album revealed a picture of the Rookies - Gail's familiar feminine handwriting with strong lines scribbled underneath the photograph, detailing the time and place of the photograph. The Rookies sat together in a darkened corner of the Black Penny, Gail's small body trapped between Oliver's larger frame to her right and Chris's lanky body to her left, but her lips revealed the smallest hint of a smile that threatened to burst out of her bright blue eyes. "Oh Gail," Holly murmured softly, stroking her fingertip across the woman's face before flicking the page of the album over to show the next image.

The Doctor stared at a candid photograph of a two-year younger version of herself sat in front of a small pond in the middle of one of Toronto's numerous parks. The sunlight glinted off the surface of the water, Holly's fingertips dipped into the pond, swirling random patterns in the ripples. The Holly in the photograph looked upwards at the camera, her lips barely twitching upwards into a familiar lopsided smile as the clicker sounded. 

"Oh," Holly whimpered, biting down on her bottom lip as her eyes threatened to water at the sight of Gail's photography.

"She's always had a good eye for beauty." A voice from behind the dark haired woman commented prompting Holly to lift her eyes away from the album to peer upwards into Steve's soft blue eyes. "If I was a betting man I'd say that half that album will be pictures of you." 

"I haven't..." Holly murmured as she looked down at the photograph. "Oliver delivered her things this morning... I thought... I don't know what I thought."

Steve nodded his head slowly, stepping through the numerous boxes to sit on the edge of the sofa at Holly's side. "You thought you'd try to find some connection to Gail in her belongings." He muttered, waving his hand at the unopened boxes. "Don't feel bad for looking Holly, Gail wanted you to have this, I'm sure she wouldn't mind you looking."

"I know." Holly shook her head and sighed, rubbing her fingers across her face. "It's not that."

"Oh." Steve narrowed his eyes as he looked down at Holly's face, tracing the lines of her mouth and the furrow between her eyebrows. "What is it?"

"I don't know." Holly said with a shrug of her shoulders. "It feels like I'm giving up on her, I mean, I'm going through her stuff because her will has been actioned..."

"Ah," Steve nodded, his hand dropping to squeeze Holly's shoulder reassuringly. "It's been two years Holly, I want to believe there's hope, but statistically speaking there isn't."

Holly frowned, her teeth digging into her bottom lip as she stroked her fingers across the line of Gail's jaw in the photograph on her lap. "I know."


	4. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail's captors seek information she is unwilling to provide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic violence ahead.

"There are two ways to stop this," A man's voice growled into Gail's ear, his hand buried in the longed ragged strands of blonde hair at the back of her skull, tugging her head upwards. "Either, you break and tell me what I want to know or else I will break you. I will break your body, then your mind, and finally I will break your soul." 

"Go ahead and try." Gail spat out around a swollen tongue and a throbbing cheekbone. 

The man grunted angrily, throwing Gail's body to the floor, his steel toe capped booted foot rearing back before delivering a bruising blow to the bottom of Gail's ribcage sending the air rushing out of her lungs. "You are a silly woman." The man hissed, kicking Gail again sharply. "It will do you no good to continue this charade."

Gail wheezed under the ache of her lungs as she pushed her hands against the cold concrete ground, levering herself up onto her hands and knees before turning her head to look at her interrogator. Her blue eyes scanned across his high cheekbones, following the sharp curve of the man's face to his deep set brown eyes, then skirting down his jaw to a pair of sneering thin lips. He stood a foot taller than Gail, his body lean and powerful, but his blows clumsy and untrained. "I don't know," The woman muttered, spitting out a mouthful of blood. "It makes you pull that stupid face, from where I am, that's a pretty good thing." 

The man's lips contorted into a fierce frown as he stepped forward to grip the back of Gail's neck, hoisting the woman to her feet before thrusting her into the wall of the small punishment cell. "I will have a lot of fun breaking you Natasha." 

Gail's lips curled upwards into a small smile. "John, you couldn't break your own Mother, let alone me." 

John's fingernails dug into the flesh on either side of Gail's throat as he pushed her harder against the wall. "You will regret this." He whispered as he released his grip and stood backwards holding his hand out towards the bars of the cell. "The whip." 

The blonde haired woman watched as the guard on the outside of the cell turned to the table, his fingers roaming over the assortment of torture devices - knives, whips, chains - until landing on John's favourite whip. A thick handle broke out into five rawhide thongs with small metal spikes at the end of each thong. Gail gritted her teeth hard, clenching her muscles before blowing out a long breath through her nose, steadying her body for the pain of the whip. John's lips curled upwards into a small smile as he held the whip in his hand, twisting his fingers around the thick handle before moving across the cell towards Gail. 

"This is going to hurt Natasha." He muttered with a sense of abject glee before lashing out with the whip, striking Gail across her covered back, ripping through the thin cotton of her shirt before dragging the spikes through the surface layers of her skin. 

Gail gritted her teeth, clenching her jaw hard in an attempt to stop the scream rising up her throat from spilling out of her lips. John reared back, flicking the whip expertly before lashing out again repeatedly, driving the metal into Gail's back fiercely, and slicing her back until multiple thin rivers of blood tricked down her skin.

"All you need to do is tell me who you work for Natasha," John murmured as he stepped up to Gail, pressed his body against the length of her back, his lips brushing against the shell of her ear. "Just tell me and this can all be over."

"Over your dead body." Gail grunted pushing her head backwards to strike the man's cheekbone.


	5. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly finds a clue to Gail's fate in the midst of the forensics reports...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! I've been running around like a headless chicken for uni, but here's the next chapter. (It might sound a bit disjointed, I didn't write it all at the same time...)

“You know this isn’t doing you any good.” Steve commented as he stepped through the open doorway into Holly’s office. His eyes sliding across the numerous boxes piled up in the corner of the small room, files of papers strewn across her desk and the floor. “She’s not inside one of those boxes.”

“I know she’s not.” Holly snapped in reply. “But something inside one of these boxes is going to give me the information I want.” 

“The only thing these boxes says is that she’s missing, presumed dead.” Steve argued, running his fingers through his hair as he stepped up to the edge of Holly’s desk. “The Detectives have been over this stuff a million times.”

“I know.” Holly glanced upwards. “But I haven’t.” 

The Detective narrowed his eyes as he met Holly’s gaze, watching as the emotions flickered over her features, her determination shining brightly in the deep brown of her eyes. “And you really think you can find something in here that they didn’t?” 

“I know that I can.” Holly answered. “Because I’ve already found something in here – something that isn’t on any of the reports.”

Steve paused and swallowed hard. “What do you mean?” 

“There’s a blood sample in here that isn’t accounted for and by that I mean that it’s never been tested against anything. It occurs in three of the places that the police looked for Gail – one being the place that she disappeared from, the second being one of the international ports, and the third is the back of a Jeep found off one of the highways.”

“Three places all connected to Gail…” Steve hummed thoughtfully. “It could make sense if they transported her out of the country, they’d probably have dumped a car between here and their destination, as a minimal forensic countermeasure.”

“That’s what I thought, so I looked at the blood samples a little deeper, and found that it’s actually a mixture of two blood types in each case. It’s the same two blood types each time.” Holly said as she pulled a piece of paper from one of the numerous files on two of her desk. “See here – this is Gail’s blood type matched to her record, and this is the second different blood type. Both of them occur in all the locations initially investigated.”

“Which means that we can presume that she was taken out of the country at least once,” Steve muttered as he rubbed his hands across his face. “And that she’s not the only one that’s been taken. Is that why you called me down here?”

“No, I called you down because I need your permission to reopen the forensic part of the investigation. It doesn’t matter what you say, I’m going to run these samples and find their genetic fingerprint to match it to records, but I’d prefer it to be official.”

“I’ll speak to my Mother.” Steve answered, dropping his hand down onto Holly’s shoulder, squeezing the muscle gently. “Good find.” 

“It’ll be a better find when it’s actually Gail.” Holly answered as she turned back to the reports littering her desk.


End file.
